[Report This]Date: 08/03/2007 10:05 pm Title: Chapter 1
You just broke my heart. Wonderfully written.
[Report This]Date: 08/01/2007 03:42 pm Title: Chapter 1
For a first try, it looks really professional. I hate Bill/Fleur, but this was VERY well written. You have a talent!
[Report This]Date: 05/17/2006 05:55 am Title: Chapter 1
Amazing the wealth of detail and turns of emotion you got into this short story--I love Bill's voice here, and the picture it creates of Fleur.
[Report This]Date: 01/16/2006 12:30 am Title: Chapter 1
This is lovely. Nice to see the woman in charge...
[Report This]Date: 07/30/2005 09:56 pm Title: Chapter 1
Sophie,it's my first time here at The Burrow and I was happy to see your story featured! I like your tale of lust turned to need turned to feeling pathetic. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks, SIW! So glad you enjoyed. I'm pretty confident when it comes to writing characters who feel pathetic (lots of personal experience ;-D), but writing lust is relatively new for me. Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 07/22/2005 05:22 pm Title: Chapter 1
This was a wonderful first attempt. It is a W, not an L, because you do not go into the sexual details, like some authors. If you want to get into the sexual materials, try looking on www.restrictedsection.com. There you will find a lot of sexually rated material and it may be helpful to read other author's styles. Some are very porn without plot and others stay more into the romantic side of it. It's all about how you see sex and what your characters want to do.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the suggestions! I've certainly read some great sex scenes (on restrictedsection and here at SH); writing them is a whole different ball game, isn't it? ;-D And your last point (all about the characters) is quite true. Thanks again! Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 07/19/2005 09:56 pm Title: Chapter 1
Very good, not too sexual. Short and a bit sad, but its ok. I don't really like Fleur.
Author's Response: Yeah, Fleur didn't come off well here, did she? ;-D Thanks for reading and reviewing. Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 07/09/2005 01:21 am Title: Chapter 1
i think that this would better qualify as a w rating...it is driven by bill's grief, and the sexual part simply exists to magnify it, i think. but i think that this was really well done!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and for the suggestion about the rating. All the best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 07/08/2005 01:39 am Title: Chapter 1
This almost made tears come to my eyes. I like your depiction of their relationship and it seems so true... very heartfelt, equally touching.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks! I'm so pleased that you felt moved by the story. Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 07/01/2005 12:55 pm Title: Chapter 1
I think it is excellent, and definitely qualifies as "L." Quite disturbing, actually, to explore that realm between two lovers where one cross the line and falls in love, while the other is still on the "safe" side of sexual pleasures. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading! Disturbing is exactly what I was going for, so thanks for that. All the best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 06/30/2005 05:09 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is wonderfully done! Sad for Bill, wonderfully done!
~Lisa
Author's Response: Thanks Lisa! And I appreciate your help with my questions about getting it posted to this site! ;-D Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 06/22/2005 09:14 pm Title: Chapter 1
That is wonderful! Poor Bill. I really do feel for him, and I feel for her as well. It's horrible to make an 'arrangement' and then realize that the other person didn't really mean it when he said he was fine with it. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks! It's short and one-sided, but it was fun to write. I appreciate you reading and reviewing! ;-D
[Report This]Date: 06/19/2005 05:38 am Title: Chapter 1
I really enjoyed this little piece. I love the emotion and the need. I love Bill in general but this was great.
The fact that she calls him William and he only likes hearing his full name from her mouth and the way he almost pleads with her to stay is very well written. I must say I enjoyed this alot.
I think it only qualifies as a 'W' but it is always better to over rate than underrate if you ask me.
Great writting
Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And thanks also for the ratings suggestion. Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 06/19/2005 03:24 am Title: Chapter 1
This was very good. You have captured a sense of desperation very well. I especially like the way you repeat the title line in different forms several times at the end, it is a very effective way of conveying his feelings. Personally, I wouldn't classify it as L, but rather W, because the sex is secondary to the story which drives it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words. Also, I appreciate the suggestion about the rating. I think I may go back and change it. Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 06/19/2005 01:15 am Title: Chapter 1
Very nicely written.
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
[Report This]Date: 06/18/2005 04:35 am Title: Chapter 1
this was a very nicely delivered story. The backflash efects were perfect and went well the writing style. Great job
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your comments! Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 06/17/2005 03:37 pm Title: Chapter 1
"Don't be this way," she pleads, her eyes filling with tears. "You said you understood." I didn't have much sympathy for Fleur up until this point, but as you described her eyes filling with tears, it dawned on me that she can't control her actions, for now, at least. A combination of youth and Veelaism (needed to invent new word to explain where I'm going with this, and that's the best I could do) are more to blame than her character. Unfortunate for Bill, but there's always Eloise Midgen. He needs to keep an open mind. :-D A lovely piece, Sophie!
Author's Response: Oh good, I'm so glad that you felt something for Fleur. I really didn't want her to come across as completely horrible. I'll pass along your suggestion for a future mate to Bill. ;-D Thanks so much for your help with this piece, and thanks for reviewing!
[Report This]Date: 06/17/2005 03:06 pm Title: Chapter 1
Very good! I was overwhelmed for him. You brought out his desperation for something more. Thank you for a great story!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad I was able to convey Bill's desperation.
[Report This]Date: 06/17/2005 02:37 pm Title: Chapter 1
Poor Bill! This was sad, but very well done. I have a hard time with figureing out the rating thing, but I've been told its better to rate the material higher than to low. I loved it, I still feel bad for Bill though.
maggie
Author's Response: Hi Maggie! Thanks so much for the comments. I, also, haven't figured out the rating system ... so long as you enjoyed the fic, I'm happy! ;-D Best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 06/17/2005 11:41 am Title: Chapter 1
Very poignant. But really, what more can you expect of a part-Veela, when it's in their nature to seduce men?
I haven't gotten the hang of the new rating system, so I'd say this was R-rated. The sex seemed realistic and not any more graphic or gratuitous than it needed to be to tell the story.
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Winna! But really, what more can you expect of a part-Veela? As I mentioned in the previous review, I'd love to have had the time to write something from Fleur's perspective. I'd like to think that maybe Bill - who is heartbroken - is very angry with her and blames the Veela blood, but that Fleur - who has been perhaps been feeling suffocated - thinks that Bill is trying to trap her into something more than she really wanted. Of course, I didn't write than, and probably won't, but I think there's something very interesting in the idea of Fleur - how much does her Veela heritage control her actions, and how much of it do others use to box her in? And thanks for the suggestion about the rating. All the best, Sophie
Author's Response: Er, oops. Meant to put quotes around your words: "But really, what more can you expect of a part-Veela." Sorry about that, and all the other typos! (I need a beta just for these review responses!)
[Report This]Date: 06/16/2005 08:48 pm Title: Chapter 1
Sophie, this is really heartbreaking for Bill, and you've expressed it so beautifully. It's not a terrible surprise that he would end up wrapped around her finger, considering that she's part-Veela. How terribly disillusioning for him, and how unintentionally cruel of her. She is young, she is learning the power of her own sexuality, but still, it's very sad for him.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! "Unintentionally" cruel is exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking of writing another scene from Fleur's perspective so that she didn't seem like a villain (there are always two sides to a story like this!), but of course I ran out of time ;-D Thanks again! All the best, Sophie
[Report This]Date: 06/16/2005 02:20 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh, that's sad. You portrayed very well how she seduced him and finally left him - his emotions were realistic.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!