Hello nota bene,

short chapter here. Poor Harry's having a hard time, isn't he? Wonder what happened to him, but Im sure you'll let us know in good time (hopefully).

I'm not sure Ron would use a phrase like '...the guy's a jerk' - too American for a boy born and raised in England. Wizards won't have telly (T.V.) - especially a pure-blood family like the Weasleys (unless Arthur's got one stuck in the shed - in which case he's probably disembowelled it to see how it works, haha!) - so Americanisms (as cool as they are) would probably be nowhere near as prevalent in Wizarding society as they are in our own. Perhaps a suggestion? Ron would probably say; '...the bloke's a greasy git', or '...he's a complete prat'.

Other than that, I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter to see what (if anything) Snape discovers in Harry's mind. And I'm curious to know how Harry coped in such close proximity to his friends, after their presence on the hospital ward sent him into meltdown...

Thanks for the chapter,

Kara's Aunty ;) 

Hello nota bene,

This is a very interesting beginning. At first I thought this may have been set a bit earlier in Harry's years at Hogwarts (because of all the referrals to Harry as 'boy'), but then Snape described Occlumency lessons, so I knew it must be later - is it early sixth year perhaps (there's no mention of Umbridge)? 

So now for my speculations on the plot thus far (you may either laugh in delight, or roll your eyes in despair at me missing obvious hints in the chapter):

If this is sixth year, how did Voldemort capture Harry, and why did he hold him for a fortnight, instead of killing one of the two greatest threats to his existence?

And is Harry still 'Harry'? Or has Voldemort killed him after all and somehow taken up residence in his body - which would be a younger, stronger one than what he already possesses (not to mention the ultimate 'spit' on Harry's grave, if he conquered the Wizarding world in the form of the Boy-Who-Lived)?

Perhaps Voldemort hasn't killed him, but has poisoned his mind, brainwashed him to do his bidding? - which would still be a massive triumph for the Dark Lord.

Bad Voldemort! Poor Harry!

You see how intrigued I am? That's the sign of a good story!

I also have to say how much I love the title of your fic - very cleverly done. The summary was also interesting enough to grab my attention and make me want to rad frther. You may want watch a couple of things, such as your use of the possessive, e.g.:

near the beginning, you start a paragraph with-

'The covers were pulled up to the boys’ chest'.

It should be 'boy's chest', because there is only one boy lying in the bed and what you want to indicate is that the chest in question belong to him; not that there are several boys in the one bed sharing the same chest (ouch, THAT sounds uncomfortable).

Also, as a potion, Dreamless Sleep should (I believe) be capitalised, as should any potion or spell.

But these are only minor errors that we all make (believe me, I've had a few in my time - you really don't want to know!) and I hope you know I point them out only with a desire to be helpful, not to be a smart-arsed prat!.

On the whole, I really enjoyed the chapter and I'm very much looking forward to the next one to see how you develop the story further.

As a wee side note, this site isn't exactly ideal for getting reader feedback. There are some great stories here that get very few (if any) reviews, while the really bad ones seem to rake them in. Don't let it dishearten you. I hope you do get more feedback for this, because it's entertaining and very enjoyable, but if you don't, take it as a sign of the very high quality of your work. In fanfic, it's better classy and underappreciated than trashy and adored.

All the best,

Kara's Aunty ;)