Hey! It's me, again. Ok, your response confused me about the name thing, so I looked it up.... in chapt.4, Kyle introduces himself to Ollivander as Kyle Hanshaw.... in chapt. 6, Minerva intro's him as Kyle Hanshaw..... in chapt. 7, he intro's himself as Hanshaw..... I believe the queen or her daughter address him as such, also and now his name is Peterson. what did I miss? is it a fake name or something? I misspelled it in the earlier review, ( I"m good at misspelling!), sorry! Then again, I'm tired and could be crazy!! Do you see my confusion or am I crazy? Let me know! Thanks!
Author's Response: Sorry, about that, and no you're not going crazy. I changed the OC's name, thought I had gotten rid of all the other names. My mistake, any other name confusions just put 'em in a review and I'll change them, like I did the ones you mentioned. Thanks for finding the problem!
Ok, question/comments.... is his name Peterson or Krenshaw? I've noticed it three times now, once you had Kyle call himself Peterson and now Slughorn called him Captian Peterson and then Ginny called him that. Which is correct? Why are you not using Tonks ability to morph? Having her with brown hair is unusual, what happened to her pink hair? Also, that would be something Kyle should know about, it could be useful to him in the future. Next, in regards to the class, you should explain the drill better and the fact that they can't use magic doesn't fit with the next sentence about using stunners, etc. You need to describe him taking the wands and telling them where they will be, etc...... also, your sentence that says "on one side there was open space interspaced with rocks and trees", but you don't say what's on the other side...it leaves it unfinished.......You have a sentence that says, "I guess I forgot to mention that, ... You need to close the quotes and add a period and start a new sentence with "After about ten minutes..."...... you then say, "smoke would settle over the arena.... it should read,"After about ten minutes the smoke settled over the arena".....but you need to say what smoke, where did the smoke come from that was settling over the arena? Last, but not least, I'm so glad you told Harry off! He does always seem to get his way a lot.... :) I hope you don't mind constructive criticism! I'm not trying to be difficult, just to help. I really like your story! I've read it twice now in a row, maybe that's why I noticed the things I pointed out. I hope you're not too mad a me! Let me know if you are and I promise not to say another word!! Thanks!
Author's Response: I haven't found the name problem, but his name is Kyle Peterson. In HPB it mentions that Tonks is having trouble with morphing, and it has her in brown hair, which I assume is her natural color. About the drill, they can't use magic to cross the obstacle course, the obstacle course is a basice course with walls, and other obsatcles it's a basic military course. Well the smoke is just a basic smoke, that came from magic, it just makes it slightly more real, since fighting isn't nice and clean. And please keep the constructive criticism coming, I really don't mind it, because it helps me make the story better. There will be another Chapter, but because of RL with my beta who works at a movie theater, and with Goblet of Fire coming out, she's going to be busy. I'll get it out soonest! :)
I don't mean to complain, but what did Mad-Eye do to get thrown through the air? Did he try to touch the package or something? Other than that, great job!
Author's Response: Mad-Eye touched the package, it has a security device built in.
By the way, Narcissa!! What an interesting twist to the Malfoy family! Are you going to explain how Narcissa became the spy? I'd love to know! Also, Kyle needs to teach them how to be sneaky. Harry, Ron and Hermione just walking up on an old castle at night, when that could have been a trap, is crazy!! Hermione should have caught that one. She's usually the voice of some reason! I hope Ginny and Kyle get back together. Right now she needs to be spanked for playing with Kyle's emotions and Harry's. She should have just told Harry!! Anyway, hope to see more soon!
Author's Response: Yes, it is explained how Narcissa became a spy in a later Chapter. Also we don't know much about the trio's plans, since it's told from the POV of Kyle and Ginny. And as for being sneaky, castles aren't built to be easy to get into. They're built to be easily defend.
YEA!!!!!!!!! A NEW CHAPTER!!! who'd thunk Narcissa as being a double agent? very clever. it didn't take Ginny long to find out who was at the castle helping the trio. can't wait for the next update!
Author's Response: Yes, I know it's took a long time, but computer problems complicated the matter. And it makes since, Narcissa at least cares about her son's well being, she can't be all that bad.
wau what kind of story is this wau incredible but hopefully kyle and ginny stay togehter he is so much more worth than harry I did fall iin love with him please update very soon it is a beautiful magnificant story and I appreciate your work you put in this story
update very soon
Author's Response: It should be updated shortly. Also you're in for a big suprise in Chapter 17 :)
Very good chapter. I just wish we could of seen a bit more of Kyle's and Ginny's date. Still the chapters are moving the story along nicely. Very anxious to see what is coming up next.
Author's Response: Thanks for your many reviews keep them coming.
oh, wicked cliff hanger. Where in the world is the Portkey taking them? This just got interesting. I liked that you included some canon and different very real fears that are bound to make their way into the last book. Great job, can't wait to read chapter 13.
Author's Response: That's a suprise.
So sweet and good. They finally have a date. You have been busy this weekend updating. Thank you for that. I see that you have started posting this story on The burrow as well and that it has already recieved several reviews. I was pleased to see that, this story is good and should be reconized. Thanks for a new chapter. Can't wait to see how the date goes.
Author's Response: Got one more Chapter before the date I'm afraid.
Another great chapter. This story is coming along very nicely and still captures interest. Very interested to see what else is going to happen now that they are back at school. Thanks for updating so fast.
Author's Response: No problem and it does turn interesting.
OH boy this is getting fun. I can't wait to see what Harry and Ron are thinking of Ginny's new interest. Thank you for making Ginny an independent and interesting character instead of a simpering little girl. Again, love the Kyle character and love how this story is turning out. Great job on the fast updates, it is appreciated.
Author's Response: Thanks, the updates are going as fast as my Beta and I can make sure the next Chapter has correct grammer, and all that other wonderful stuff. I've also always thought that Ginny should be a little bit more independent and interesting.
I love this story! I can't believe you don't have more reviews. People are crazy not to comment. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Author's Response: Thanks, for the review. I've got some more Chapters done, but I'm waiting for my betas to review them.