Reviewer: Fairfield Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 03/31/2007 09:07 pm Title: -

13-01-2007 10:01 Rated 10

Very well constructed. Nice psychological portrayal. Both drama and humor. Only complaint is that Susan’s emotions could have been foreshadowed more. But this is a short story, and it’s not possible to squeeze in everything.

Reviewer: sophierom Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 03/31/2007 09:06 pm Title: -

15-10-2006 22:29 Rated 10

That was fantastic! The title caught my attention, and though I ususally stick to Gryffindors and Slytherins, I thought I'd give the neglected Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs a chance. And I'm so glad I did! Your story was creative and clever. Even more than that, it's emotionally charged in the best way. Not sappy, not melodramatic, just charged and real. You made me care about Anthony, a character we don't know much about in canon. It's much easier to hook someone with a major canon character, as most fans already care about them. But to make me cheer for Anthony and Susan is a real feat! You were able to develop all of your characters so well ... and with so few words. That is talent!

You said you want to improve, and I can't really think of any criticism, execpt to say that I sometimes thought the verb tense slipped. Overall, I think you made good use of present tense, but there were times when you needed to shift to the past tense in your dependent clauses. For example, "Four days have passed since the challenge - that is what it was, he has come to understand - has been issued..." That clasue "since the challenge ... has been issued" feels a little awkward to me. But hey, this is a small thing, and I could be all wrong about it. I hesitate to include this in the review ... please don't feel like I'm attacking you or the story because I love this fic! But, as you mentioned in your a/n that you wanted to improve, I thought I'd make this (possibly bad) suggestion.

Okay, now that I've rambled on and on ... thanks for the fic! I really enjoyed reading it!

Best,
Sophie