Well, for the most part, this was good. You just might want to edit the following:
Use "ungh, or ohhhh, or oooooh", in place of "ugh", since "ugh" is used to represent disgust, not lust.
Also, you should replace "shuttering" with "shuddering" since you're not closing the shutters on a window, but writing about Hermione shuddering in pleasure beneath her lover...
Other than that, it was a good scene.
I like how the setting- the thunder/lightning- contributed to the eroticism of the piece. You made this pairing so much better. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I thought that it was very wrong to have someone as young as Hermione doing that with someone so much older than her in this day in age.
the story was ok, but i think that the age difference made that almost seem like rape.
Author's Response: Heh. Thanks for the review. I do appreciate feedback. I'm not going to go into the whole age difference thing. I've read too many forums with people arguing over this. Some people are disgusted by it, some aren't. And, uh, I'm a big fan of RL/HG. :
Excellent! Very hot indeed.
Author's Response: Why thank you, Firefly!
Odd Doll 2007.07.26 - 05:53PM
That was insanely hot.
Author's Response: I am please you enjoyed it. :D
Maddy Riddle 2007.05.31 - 01:30AM
I like it. It was a very good story.
Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you liked it.
Adriana 2007.05.30 - 07:35PM
Wow! Very nice
Author's Response: Thanks.
BloodyBrilliant 2007.05.24 - 07:25PM
Holy cow! Very erotic peice though I would've liked to know more about when and where this was happening. Thanks for the fic.
Author's Response: Thank you! :) Um, yea, I left things wide open, didn't I?
ozarkmoon 2007.05.24 - 11:36AM
OH. Just lovely.
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you.