Wishing Only Wounds the Heart


Ginevra Weasley wrapped her cloak around her lithe body and braced herself against the cold air of the astronomy tower. It was a cold February evening and there was a celebration of sorts going on within the castle. Hermione Granger and Severus Snape had returned from their belated honeymoon in Greece. Ginny welcomed back the couple, but somewhere during the festivities, the mediwitch intern felt the tears well up in her eyes, and making her excuses, she rushed out of the Great Hall. Hermione watched her leave, understanding in a way only a sister friend could. Gin needed time alone. Ginny’s attention was drawn from the sounds of merriment to a lone figure walking across the snowy grounds. Ginny watched the figure, instantly recognizable to her as Remus Lupin, then closed her eyes and remembered.


Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

A small smile crossed her lips as she remembered their one date. She felt giddy and lighthearted in his company, the solitary man lost for so many years following the downfall of Voldemort, then found, as if by a miracle, and cured of his werewolf condition by the brilliance of Hermione and Severus. When Ginny kissed Remus, she felt at home. But Remus didn’t feel the same way. He couldn’t reconcile the woman she had become with the little girl he had last known. Ginny had grown up but since he was not there to see it, she remained sixteen in his eyes. Ginny sighed. He could have been the one for her…she wasn’t the woman for him. Wiping a tear from her eye, she contemplated going after him and talking to him. Making him see reason. Making him see her as the woman she was.


Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

She shook her head. It would never work. He was with another. And she was simply Ginevra Molly Weasley. Weasleys rarely got what they wanted. Her mother didn’t get to be a mediwitch, breeding Weasleys saw to the end of that dream. Her father didn’t get to be Minister of Magic. His fairness and desire to see two sides of the coin saw to the end of that dream. Percy didn’t get his dream job, well, not for very long. His uncertain loyalty during the war took that from him. And Ron… Ron didn’t get anything he wanted. He didn’t get Hermione. He lost part of his soul when he froze on the battlefield during the war and allowed the Death Eaters to take Remus. It didn’t matter that she lost her heart to the former werewolf. She was a Weasley and there was no point in wishing for more than could ever be.


Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Ginny felt the familiar ache in her heart. She had felt it since the night she realized that Remus wasn’t going to choose her. There was someone else. Someone he could see as an adult. There simply wasn’t any use in dreaming about Remus Lupin anymore. Thinking about him hurt. Thinking about the hours she spent by his bedside while Hermione and Severus tried to find a way to bring him back to them caused her heart to thump painfully against her chest. She could dream, but waking up hurt too much. No, it was time to forget. Would that she could obliviate herself. Would that she could wipe her mind and her heart clean of the memory of Remus Lupin.

Ginny looked down again. Remus was still out there, now by the lake. But he was no longer alone. She was with him, wrapped in the warmth of his strong arms. The woman he chose.


Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl.

He chose someone bright, beautiful, golden. He didn’t settle for plain, drab, befreckled Ginny Weasley. He chose blonde and beautiful Kyla Bennett. He chose someone who helped him at St Mungo’s long before he knew he WAS Remus Lupin. He chose someone that he didn’t know when she was at Hogwarts. He chose a woman, not a woman-child. The fact that Ginny now worked with her in the Hospital Ward didn’t seem to matter. Kyla was everything that Ginny wasn’t. Kyla knew how to flirt. Kyla knew how to appeal to a man. Kyla knew when to keep silent and not to blurt out the first thing on her mind. Kyla knew how to be winsome. Kyla won him.


Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

Ginny sighed. She felt the familiar ache as she watched Kyla and Remus approach the castle entrance. They put their heads together for a moment, embraced, then parted, Kyla entering the castle ahead of Remus. He looked up for a moment, almost catching a glimpse of Ginny in the open window of the Astronomy Tower. Ginny ducked back into the shadows and shook her head. She was a Weasley. She needed to learn that she was to remain satisfied with her lot in life. She would find a nice boring man and settle down, bearing children and living the life of a good witch. There was to be no excitement in her life. There was to be no great romance with a dashing older man who carried with him an air of danger. She would be a good wife and mother someday, like her mother before her. That was her destiny. She turned on her heel and walked slowly down the stairs of the Astronomy Tower, the tears beginning to fall as she realized her fate. The tears blinded her as she entered the entrance Hall, not noticing the man in the shadows. The man who watched her pass with a wistful look in his eye. The man who longed to touch her on the arm and pull her into an embrace. The man who couldn’t summon the courage to approach her after the way he’d treated her months ago. The man who moments before had ended things with the golden haired Kyla Bennett.

Remus Lupin watched Ginny Weasley slowly ascend the stairs to the Hospital Ward.