Chapter 10: Time of Decision, Moment of Truth
Remus Lupin stood in Severus Snape’s foyer as he waited for a house elf to close the front door and usher him down the hall. She led him into a book-lined study where he found Snape pouring two glasses of brandy.
“Ah, Lupin. I told you if your presence was required an invitation would be sent.” He turned and handed Lupin one of the glasses.
Lupin took the glass with a nod and said, “It’s been a long two weeks, Severus. I was very glad to finally hear from you.”
Snape smirked slightly as he took a seat and waved Lupin to a neighboring chair. “Yes, I imagine you were. Patience was never your strong suit.”
Lupin snorted. “You should talk. You’re not exactly famous for your patience, either.”
Snape shrugged. “Perhaps not.” He casually sipped his brandy.
Taking a sip from his glass as well, Lupin commented, “Well, your brandy is as good as ever. Hopefully I’ll get to finish it this time.”
Snape raised an eyebrow. “There was nothing stopping you before.”
Lupin took another sip of the brandy. “Right. Nothing except your effervescent charm.”
Snape snorted, but remained silent.
“Okay, Severus, enough small talk. Have you read the book? Can you produce a cure?” Lupin inquired eagerly.
“That’s not the right question, Lupin. The question should be: What would the “cure” do to me…and should I pursue it?”
A frustrated sigh issued from the impatient werewolf. “All right, I’ll bite…can you produce a cure, and what will it do to me?”
Snape leaned back in his chair and steepled his long fingers in front of him. “I’ve read the book thoroughly, and I’ve duplicated the potion Marga made in the laboratory at Slytherin’s Castle. It’s very close to a potion I’d already developed.”
Lupin sat up abruptly. “You already had a cure, and you didn’t tell me? For god sakes, Severus, why not?” Indignation poured from him like rain from a cloud.
Snape stared at Lupin thoughtfully. “I didn’t offer the potion to you because I had serious doubts about what effect it would have on you. I now know I was right. Combining the information in the book with my own observations of what happened to Marga have convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that a “cure” for your condition is not really possible…at least not in the way you wish.”
Lupin frowned and sat back. “What do you mean?”
“The “cure” will successfully remove all aspects of the wolf from your personality, Lupin. It will be gone…permanently. There will be no more uncomfortable urges, no more enhanced senses, no more claws or pointed teeth, no more painful transformations.”
Lupin smiled. “Sounds great so far.”
Snape nodded. “Yes, indeed. However, what you’re refusing to take into account is how much the wolf has shaped who you are, how you think…your determination, your ability to make decisions, your perception of the world, even your intelligence. The wolf has shaped your entire being since you were very young. Removing the wolf will be very much like removing your eyes or your ability to walk and telling you to start again.”
Lupin frowned and took a sip of his brandy.
Snape continued. “You were bitten at a very young age Lupin, so apparently was Marga. I have no idea what kind of people you’d both have become if you’d grown up without the wolf influence, there’s no way to tell. However, I saw first hand what she became once it was removed from her. She went from a strong decisive personality to a meek indecisive almost childlike personality instantly. She could tell that something was wrong, but she no longer possessed the wit to comprehend just what it was. I had no such difficulty. If you hadn’t been so distracted by trying to suppress the change, you’d have seen it, too.”
Lupin looked uncomfortable and took a larger drink from his brandy snifter. “Are you going to let me have the cure or aren’t you, Severus?” asked Lupin quietly.
Snape’s lips tightened, and he looked rather frustrated. “Have you heard nothing I’ve said to you? Does none of this matter?”
“I thank you for your concern, Severus, but the decision is mine to make…not yours.”
Snape stared at him as if he was an idiot, then he abruptly downed his brandy and stood up. “Very well, Lupin. Apparently my opinion of Gryffindor brainpower has been justified all these years. Follow me.”
Snape whirled around and stalked out of the room. Lupin downed his brandy in one swallow and got up and followed him.
They proceeded through the house and ended up in Snape’s lab once more. There in the middle of a table stood a solitary bottle containing a glowingly golden liquid.
Snape gestured curtly towards the table. “There’s your cure, Lupin. If you’re bound and determined to commit suicide, it appears that I can’t stop you. I will say that the book was quite helpful to me in the development of my other potion. I don’t have a potion to suppress the wolf safely yet, but I feel I’m very close. I believe that in time I will have a safe and effective potion to allow you to control the wolf completely without losing that part of yourself. If you’re too impatient to wait, then take this potion and live with the consequences.”
Lupin walked over to the table and picked up the bottle and looked at it. He turned and looked over at Snape standing by the door.
Snape kept his face impassive, but his voice was soft as he said, “It will change you irrevocably, Remus. Be very sure it’s what you want…because there will be no going back.” Then with a final enigmatic look, he turned and left the lab, leaving Lupin alone with his future.
Snape returned to his study and poured himself another brandy.
*I’ve done all I can. If Lupin insists on being an idiot, there’s nothing I can do to stop him. Perhaps it won’t be that bad…perhaps it’ll be an improvement. Perhaps he’ll end up being happy with the new person he’ll become. Even if it’s likely to be so much less than he is now*. He snorted to himself. * Perhaps I’ll win the Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming-Smile Award!*
Sobering, he took another drink of his brandy. *I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t, but he’s right, the choice is his. I hope he can live with it.*
When he returned to his lab an hour later. Lupin was gone. On the table stood the bottle still full of potion and next to it was a letter. Snape picked it up and scanned it quickly.
Severus,
I thought about what you said, and I decided that you were right. Basically I’m pretty happy with the person that I am now, I wouldn’t want to destroy that without knowing what I’d be replacing it with. Removing the shadow of the moon from my life is very important to me; it means everything. I’ll never truly be happy until I know I can control the wolf completely and never have to worry about hurting anyone ever again. If I could be sure of that, then I’d be content. So I guess I’ll just wait and see what you come up with. I have faith in you, Severus. Let me know when the potion is ready for me. I’ll be glad to try again…even if you insist on putting me into a cage to test it. Thanks for everything.
Remus
Snape put down the letter and picked up the bottle of potion. He looked at it for a moment, and then he walked over to the sink and poured it down the drain. Setting the bottle on the workbench, he walked over to the French doors and opened them. Then with a faint smile on his face, he walked through the doors and stood quietly contemplating the ocean waves.
Finite Incantatem