You should come with me.
Remus regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. What had possessed him to say such a thing? She was younger than him, at his mercy, and until just a few moments ago, didn’t have all of her marbles. The balance of power between them was most decidedly unequal. Suggesting that she throw her lot in with his was perhaps the most indecent thing he had ever done.
“I’m sorry,” he began. “I never should have –“
“I know it could never really happen.” Pansy absolved him with a sad smile. “But still, it’s nice to imagine what it would be like to have an adventure. In the dream you said you would show me wonderful things. What would you have shown me?”
“Gracious, I don’t know,” he said. “There are so many places to choose from. Paris, Cairo, Amsterdam…” He paused for a moment and blushed. “Well, maybe not Amsterdam.”
“Why not Amsterdam?” Pansy asked playfully.
“Don’t ask.”
“Oh, it sounds scandalous! Now you just have to tell me.”
“Seriously, Pansy,” Remus blushed crimson. “You don’t want to know.”
“Yes, I do!” Pansy laughed.
“More to the point, I don’t want you to know.”
“Fine. Nobody ever tells me anything interesting.” She flopped onto the bed and flipped through the Italian travel guide. “I suppose I’ll just have to content myself with pictures of marble men with tiny todgers.”
“Now that sounds scandalous,” Remus chuckled. “Sad, but scandalous. Quite pathetic, actually.”
She flashed him a sarcastic smile and then returned to her book, making quite a display of ignoring him.
“I’ve seen the real thing, you know.” It occurred to Remus that he sounded like a school boy trying to impress a girl, and failing miserably.
“So you’ve told me,” she replied absently, never taking her eyes from the book. Yes, indeed, this was epic failure. What would Sirius do in a situation like this?
He would up the ante. But how?
“Wait, I know,” Remus said aloud. Pansy glanced up at him over the top of the book. He tapped his temple with his wand and drew a single gossamer thread of a thought and placed it in the pensieve. He walked over to Pansy, threw the book aside, and took both of her hands into his own. “Come with me, Pansy. I’ll show you wonderful things.”
"Amsterdam?" she asked with a playful smirk. Remus's only answer was a look of frustration. She laughed. "All right then, surprise me."
Together, they fell through time and space and into memory. They emerged in a sunny, crowded plaza. Pansy drew close to Remus and took it all in. “Where are we?”
“Italy. Florence to be specific."
“Look!” Pansy pointed excitedly. “It’s David!”
“Not exactly,” said Remus, grinning broadly at her enthusiasm. He took her by the hand and led her through the crowd for a better view. “It’s a replica. They moved the original indoors to preserve it.”
“It’s spectacular. So much bigger than I expected.”
“Everyone says that,” said Remus. “Would you like to see the original?”
“Oh, can we?” Pansy clapped her hands with excitement.
“Of course. It’s only a short walk from here.” He draped his arm around her shoulder and guided her through the busy streets of Florence. The twenty minute walk took closer to an hour as he patiently answered all of her questions.
“Look there,” she pointed to an outdoor café. “Is that an ice cream parlor?”
“Gelato! “ His mouth watered at the memory. “The Italians make the best ice cream.”
“We should get some. I had money in my purse when you …invited me over to your house. Do you have it with you?”
Remus stopped dead in his tracks and stared at her. “No, I don’t have your money with me. One, I’m not a thief. Two, wizarding money is no good here. And three, this is a memory, we can only look.” He let out a wistful sigh. He would have loved some Gelato. “That’s the problem with pensieves. They’re no substitute for the real thing.”
Pansy chewed on her bottom lip. A gesture he found utterly charming. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. I just thought it would be fun to have ice cream.”
“It would have been.” He gave her shoulders a squeeze to let her know that all was forgiven. “Maybe, after the war is over, we can really come to Florence eat ice cream.”
“Is that what you’re fighting for? For people to be able to go where they please with whomever they please?” asked Pansy.
“Among other things, yes.” He absently stroked her arm with his fingertips. “But it’s so much more than that. All magical people should be given the same opportunities, no matter who their parents are.”
“Lucius disagrees. He says that the Muggleborns are going to be the ruin of us all.”
“And what do you think?”
Pansy looked at the sights around her and sighed. “I don’t know. If you had asked me last week...I...I don’t know anything anymore.”
Remus smiled fondly and kissed the top of her head. “That, my dear, is the beginning of wisdom. Look, we’re here.”
They slipped into the museum unseen with the rest of the crowd, and walked down a corridor into a brightly lit atrium. There, in all of its glory, was Michelangelo’s masterpiece. Awed, Pansy worked her way through the crowd to the base of the statue. She reached out to touch the smooth marble. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Her reaction was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Over her shoulder, he saw a younger version of himself standing against the wall and wondered what that young man would have thought if he could see him now. “I’d have never believed it was possible,” he murmured.
“Hmm?” Pansy followed his line of sight and smiled. “Look how young you are!”
“I was about the same age you are now. Sirius, James, and I made this trip as a last hurrah, so to speak, before James got married.”
“Where are they?”
“Out trying to seduce Italian women I suspect. I was the only one who went in for the art and culture.”
“Too bad for them. They don’t know what they’re missing.” Pansy laid her hand lightly against his cheek and look up at him affectionately. “Thank you. Thank you so much. This is so wonderful.”
He placed his hand over hers and closed his eyes, relishing the feel of her warm touch against his cheek. How long had it been since someone touched him like this? Months? Years? His opened his eyes and looked into hers. “Thank you. Being in Italy with someone who loves it as much as I do has been...well, magical. Even if it is only in a pensieve. Maybe someday, when things are different, we can make the trip for real.”
“We will,” Pansy said, resolutely.
“You say that now. When you go back to your life I imagine things will be very different between us. How would you explain the trip to Lucius?”
Pansy pondered the question and then nodded firmly. “I won’t explain it at all. What Lucius doesn’t know wont’ hurt him.”
“I see.” Remus shrugged and turned toward the exit. “The memory is almost over. We’ll be back to reality in a few minutes.”
Pansy scampered after him. “What? Did I say something wrong again?”
“It’s nothing. I was expecting too much,” he answered without breaking his pace. Pansy grabbed his arm and stopped him.
“What did I say wrong? Please, tell me. I didn’t mean to make you angry."
“You didn’t say anything wrong.” He took a deep breath and softened his tone. “I’m just disappointed to be someone’s dirty little secret once again in my life.”
“It’s not like that,” said Pansy, avoiding eye contact.
“It’s exactly like that,” said Remus. “When this is all over and done with, and we pass each other on the street, will you acknowledge me? Will you introduce me to your friends, or will you ignore me and then owl me later apologizing and inviting me to meet you privately, to soothe your guilty conscience?”
“Don’t be bitter. What do you have me do? Say, ‘see you in a week, Lucius. I’m going to Italy with a Remus Lupin’? He knows what you are, Remus. Nothing good would come of that for either one of us. He’d sooner have you killed than let me go off with you. Is that what you want?”
“No,” he replied, apologetically. “I don’t know. All of this – being here with you – it’s so real and so unreal. I suppose it made me hope that perhaps someday someone like you might acknowledge someone like me as an equal, or at the very least, human.”
“I never meant that!” Pansy threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close. “Equal to me? You’re so much better than me! You’re so intelligent. You’ve seen things, gone places. You were everyone’s favorite professor, even if they won’t admit it now. You’re an amazing wizard. Even Lucius respects what you can do with a wand. I’m just a stupid cow whose entire life consists of going to drinks parties and sleeping with my fiancé’s father because my fiancé prefers sleeping with men. Talk about dirty little secrets! My entire life is a dirty little secret!”
“I’m sorry,” said Remus, gently stroking her hair. “I never thought about your life that way. I just assumed—“
“We both do a lot of that, it seems.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I wish things could be different too, but I don’t think they ever will be.”
For the second morning in a row, Remus woke up next to Pansy. Unlike the previous morning, this morning they were both under the covers and their clothes were in a heap on the bedroom floor. Remus pulled Pansy close and gently fondled her breast. He didn’t open his eyes. If this was another vivid dream, he didn’t want to wake up.
She’d embraced him and kissed him on the cheek to thank him for taking her to Italy, if only in a Pensieve. A kiss on the cheek became a kiss on the lips, and a kiss on the lips became a night of fevered love-making. He should feel guilty, he imagined, but he didn’t. For reasons he couldn’t begin to explain, he knew that the night was exactly what they both needed.
“Good morning, lover,” Pansy purred, pressing her bottom against his morning erection.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he murmured against her hair. He needed her again, desperately. He kicked off the blankets, lifted her top knee, and thrust into her from behind. The sounds she made when he slipped his hand between her legs – the way she called his name as her pleasure peaked – was like music to him. A siren song that affirmed his humanity.
He spent with a roar and collapsed beside her, quite certain that he was in love with this girl. Gently, he tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned in to confess his feelings.
“Bravo, Lupin.” Severus stood in the open doorway, clapping his hands and smirking. “Why doesn’t it surprise me that you prefer to do it from behind?
“Professor Snape!” Pansy pulled the covers over her naked body. Remus made a move for his wand.
“I don’t think so,” said Severus, pointing his wand directly at Remus.
“What do you want?” Remus snarled dangerously.
“I bring glad tidings,” said Severus. The potion master’s lips twisted in a demonic grin. “Albus is dead.”
“What?” Remus forgot all about hexing Severus to hell and sat stunned. “How? When?”
“How? It appears he died quite suddenly from a stroke. When? Sometime the night before last, as near as Madame Pomfrey can tell.”
“You’re very inappropriately cheerful,” Remus remarked, pulling on his trousers. “Can I assume from your Christmas Day reaction to the news that you are going back to Voldemort?
“You’re hardly in a position to comment on inappropriate behavior,” Severus answered. “And no, I am not going back to Voldemort. With Albus gone, my debt is paid. I belong to no man. I think it’s fair to say that this is good bye, Lupin. Do give my regards to the rest of the order.” His voice dripped with sarcasm.
“Wait,” said Remus, as Severus turned to leave. “With Albus gone, the Fidelus on this house is broken. Anyone can speak the name of headquarters. Have you betrayed us to Voldemort?”
Severus’s face darkened. “I came here to tell you that Albus is dead as my last service to the old man. I didn’t tell Voldemort anything, but there are many ears in Hogwarts and there are people close to the Order whose allegiances are flexible."
“Who?” Remus demanded. Severus turned on his heel and walked away without answering. Remus stared at the empty doorway for a moment. He drew a deep breath, and his jaw hardened. He turned to Pansy and kissed her deeply. “Get dressed and stay in this room. I have work to do.”