Reviewer: Northumbrian Signed
Chapter 1: One-Shot
Ron is such a great guy, isn’t he? You capture his personality, and his feelings so well in this tale. This missing moment from DH reveals Ron’s fear of the locket, his love for Hermione, his constant self-doubt and the beginnings of the Horcrux-driven jealousy which will eventually break him. Often, fanfics portray Ron as selfish and uncaring, but you manage to get inside and show the true turmoil behind the often grumpy façade.
I have almost nothing but praise for this story, but, because this is a review, here are a couple of things for you to consider.
I’m a Brit and you (obviously) are not. How do I know? Because of this – “Maybe it’s because he grew up surrounded by sidewalks and short grass” – we have roads, streets, footpaths and pavements, but we don’t have sidewalks and it’s not a word Ron would use (or know). There are a few sections where the dialogue doesn’t quite ring true for me.
G’on is not a way to say go on – Ron would (probably) say “get lost”).
It is possible to “get off” with someone. The US equivalent to get off is (I think “make out”) so Hermione’s “I was wondering where you’d got off to.” Should be “I was wondering where you’d gone off to.”
There are a (very) few others, but, there are real nitpicks and compared to most fanfics this is a shining gem (especially with regard to characterisation). I particularly love the reason why Ron couldn’t kill the rabbit. Well done.
You are correct. I am soooo not British. I should have found a Brit to beta, but I didn't (hangs head in shame). I will gladly take your crit, though, and correct the text. I appreciate your Brit-picking and desire nothing more than maximum verisimilitude for my story.
I'm pleased you found this readable in spite of my glaring linguistic butchery. I find that people tend to paint Ron with a broad, flat brush, and I think he's far more complex. I feel like the emotional roots from which his actions spring are very human and honest. Sure, he's flawed, but he's also most interesting when he's behaving poorly or awkwardly.
I can't help but comment on your comment about the usage of the phrase "get off". I was aware of this being the British way of saying "make out" but...what can I say...I flaked. In these parts, one can indeed 'get off' at the wrong exit or 'get off' the bus. However, it is also common (and very crude) usage in the American South to say one 'got off' with another person, or object when they have reached...hmm, I think the most cheesy and awful way I could put it is "pinnacle of ecstasy". Isn't English fun!
Anyway, thank you so much for reading and reviewing.